My Crohnstipated Life

No, I didn’t forget to have children. My decision to have children was made long ago- somewhere around 10. I always knew I’d be the girl with the 10 kids, 5 dogs, 2 horses and a few rabbits. Well- many moons later, I’ve got the dogs, the horses and had the rabbits but never any children.  Why? I’m really not sure, wasn’t for a lack of trying!

I wasn’t diagnosed with Crohn’s until 2007, so I can’t use Crohn’s Disease as an excuse or cause for uncertainty. Recently, part of me thinks it’s God’s divine intervention that has kept me from having children, but then again I see so many women who have Crohn’s Disease having children, so I’m not sure why I was ruled out.

“Sniff, poor me-right?”

No, not really. That is a pretty lame excuse right?  Truth is in my younger years I’d been scared to death to have children in a way.  I wanted them, absolutely, but the thought of what is associated with giving birth just didn’t turn me on. How would I give up my freedom, my young spirit, my goals, college and secret desires? It wasn’t until recently that I had a chat with a few of my girlfriends. We had come to the conclusion that our youth obsessed society kept me afraid, feeling backed into a corner, afraid to go outside the box, afraid to do anything, really.

It’s such a blessing when the light goes on. I thought to myself that I could never have a child after 40, but I can see now that’s very possible. I feel so much more capable of having and caring for children. I think as we get older, the daring and carefree side of us starts to rear its head when we hit 40, and its all blue skies from there.  My friends are all diving out of air planes, hand gliding, starting new careers, going back to school and still having babies-yes, still having babies.  So, maybe there is still time for me, still a plan.

I think the new thought pattern for me is part letting go along with a new desire to be spontaneous and new creative passions that I’m not willing to pass up. How many times have you really wanted to do something but felt you needed to be responsible? Well girls, it all changes and thank goodness because life is way to short to be worrying about the small stuff, and its all SMALL stuff.

I finally watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts, and felt & feel the same way her character did. Now is the time to take chances, be adventurous, be daring and reinvent my life into the one I have always wanted. So, for now, I’m OK with Life Without Baby, I know it won’t be forever. And at this moment, I’ve discovered that there are many blessings of a child free life.